When you put the needs of your addicted husband over your own, sometimes you think you are doing the right thing. You feel guilty for spending money on yourself because you know that you have bills that have to be paid and unlike your partner, you actually feel ashamed and embarrassed when the power or cable gets cut off after you spent $30 at the salon.
The truth is you can only put yourself completely last for so long before you start to literally lose yourself. Putting your family first nice in theory but never taking care of yourself can kill you. After my hair started to fall out, my weight dropped below 100 lbs and I developed some stomach aliment completely related to stress that had me in the emergency room, I finally realized that if I kept going like I was going, I would eventually die. I hadn’t seen a dentist in five years, my cavities were so big and horrible I didn’t even smile for photos anymore. After kicking out my husband, I was cried a lot. BUT. And it’s a big BUT. I was actually relieved. After catching up on bills, splurging on groceries (we hadn’t eaten a full meal in a long time), and buying some much needed toys and clothes for my son; I turned to myself.
I had my nails done for the first time in five years and it was great. I felt like a woman again. After that, I got a short tanning bed membership. It was so nice to feel young again. I saved up for a couple weeks and went to the dentist. Thanks to my mom and my saving, I got my cavities filled and can actually smile again. And I once again, got my nails done.
I realized that as a woman, you have to take care of yourself or you really are no good to anybody. People have told me this all along but I was stubborn and just thought they exaggerated. Let me tell you, It’s TRUE! Taking care of yourself is essential to your survival. It might be nails and tanning for you. It might be clothes, purses, shoes, hair, etc. The important thing is to take care of yourself but no one else will. I wish I realized this earlier in my marriage but I didn’t. That’s okay. I survived and you will too!
As Christmas approaches, the spending on myself has cut back. I actually can buy my family something for Christmas and that makes me absolutely thrilled! I bought my son’s Christmas pictures, took him to see Santa this year (and bought the photos), I have a pile of toys for him, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Next week, hair appointment!