New Year’s Resolutions

Eight days into the year and I finally decide to write some new year’s resolutions. As a ponder what I should say, I reflected on what I did and what happened last year.  2013 brought on a lot of changes for me.

We moved- We moved into my childhood home that my mom still owned because we lost our rental space and inevitably our trailer that I had finally grown to love after three years.

School-I had allowed a bunch of family members and friends watch B for me because I was terrified of daycares. I finally put him in daycare until he got a spot in head start and he loves it. Even though it’s been tough leaving work so early to get him, I’m thankful that he’s learning and happy.

The biggest change was the end of my marriage. I found out about an indiscretion that my husband had in Feb 2013 and after asking him to move out and move back in, and move out and then back in, and so on, I finally got the courage to decide that this relationship had finally reached a toxic level and I was completely unhappy. Although he tried to repair things, in the end it was too late.

I filed for divorce this week.

I can’t believe that I will be 28 years old and divorced. I thought I’d at least be 40 or so. I didn’t even make it to 30. I know it’s the right thing. That’s the worst part. How can divorce be the right thing? It’s not even logical. But when you wake up one day and you don’t recognize the person in the mirror or the person beside you, what do you do? Especially when the half won’t grow up. I just never imagined this for myself. Single mom by 29. Truthfully, I never intended on having a kid. I never intended on getting married. But I did. And now I know that if I didn’t have that precious little face to keep me motivated, I would probably be just as low as he is, spending my days ruining my life.  There are so many good women that can’t even have kids and the fact that God chose me to raise that precious little boy makes me feel honored, blessed, and worthy.

So, in 2014, I plan to be the best parent I possible can. Continue to let God work in my life. Try my best. and pray more often.

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